Unexpected Advice
This lively podcast allows us to learn interesting insights from interesting people - but not the in the way you would expect. Every single guest, whether highly accomplished or just wildly interesting, shares a life lesson, a piece of advice, or a passion they've gotten really good at that the rest of the world needs to know about. It’s a fun way for you to learn something interesting about your fellow humans.
Unexpected Advice
Porch Stories: Building Community One Conversation at a Time
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What can a front porch teach us about building a better life?
In this episode of Unexpected Advice, Esther sits down with neighbor Colleen Jacobsen for a conversation that starts with wraparound porches and Long Island roots, but quickly turns into something much bigger. Together they explore why community doesn't just happen—it starts with showing up, saying hello, and making the first move.
Along the way, you'll hear unexpected advice about meeting your neighbors, finding your sense of home, why where you're from shapes who you become, and one dating rule that might just save you some awkwardness.
Because great communities are built one conversation at a time.
You can learn more about Unexpected Advice by visiting https://insightfullycurious.com/unexpected-advice-podcast
Well, thank you. I'm just I'm really glad you're here. I'm really glad we got to chat because we haven't ever gotten chat. I know you are. Right. That's the really interesting thing, is that I actually know who you are. And so my husband actually worked with your husband. Yes. Volunteering. Yes. Yes. And does he still work over there?
SPEAKER_02Oh, yeah. He does that Wednesdays. And plus he's he does a day a year tear down when I strike the set. Yeah. Things like that. So oh, that's fun. And he's he's with a good group of retired men.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, you know, from all different aspects that are out there out and about. Well, and we also were connected before we knew that we were in the same neighborhood because of Katie. Right. So um we were chatting about that. Yeah, your daughter. So we were in Leadership Lancaster together. And then if we connected the dots at some point, Katie and I think connected her. She's like, I just grew up around the corner from you. Oh my god. This is very Lancaster. To like realize that you grew up around her.
SPEAKER_02Right. And it's it's interesting because now she works with um well, she goes by Rebecca Fowler, a house away from me. Oh, okay. She's older than Katie. Yeah. And they knew who they were each other were. And now they're both at the folding.
SPEAKER_03That's really that's a small world. That's a small world. Now, you didn't grow up here. You were just mentioning this. Right. I don't know a whole lot about your background, so I'd love to dive into that. You grew up in that's another that's another thing.
SPEAKER_02Is we're talking about neighbors or whatever. You don't know where anyone came from. This is so true. You know, it's like they just appear.
SPEAKER_03Isn't that the irony of it? Yeah. And I'm like, are we gonna be friends?
SPEAKER_02They just appear, and then you're next to a neighbor now, and it's like you know, so it's interesting.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Um, so yeah, I grew up on Long Island. Where in Long Island? Um, Nassau County, Garden City.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah. My um, well, my my grandmother, she they lived in Elmhurst. My mom was in New York City in Elmhurst, yeah. And then she moved to Santa Marches when I was. Oh, that's further out. So it's further out. Right, yeah.
SPEAKER_02Because Jeff and I, when we uh we met, my husband, Jeff, um, we both worked at um Fortune off's department store. Uh-huh. Now it's a it was a family-owned store. Okay. And it was probably the size the first store was in Westbury, New York. Okay. And it was probably the size of the old Bontan at the mall. Okay, yeah, sure. You know, the square building. Yeah, yeah. And it's a family-run business, and it started in Brooklyn and then it just grew. Okay. And then they had they kind of separated, but it was under the same roof, like the jewelry sales and then the hard goods sales. Okay. So they had the jewelry store right on on um Park Avenue. Oh, okay. Fortune Offs, it's yeah. It's known for the jewelry too. And then they opened another whole store out in New Jersey. Um I worked for them when we were tracking where all orders were coming from. Oh, interesting. We're talking back in the 70s, late 70s. Okay. And then is that when you met Jeff in the 70s? Yeah. You were both working there.
SPEAKER_03Yes. Then he is he from New York City as well. He's from Lovertown, Long Island. Oh, he's okay. So you were both from Long Island. You're both from Long Island. I gotta hear how you ended up here in the houses. Okay.
SPEAKER_02Well, his job brought us here. He worked he's retired now, but he worked for Donegal Insurance Company.
SPEAKER_01Oh, okay. Okay.
SPEAKER_02So anyway, um, we both worked at Fortune Office, and they the way they tracked, I know this is probably going off offline now, but the way they tracked where they were going to build their other store was by pins, you know, where the orders were coming from. They just had the map. Oh, that's fascinating. And they put the pins in the order here. And most of the orders were coming from um the Jersey area. Okay. So that's when they opened the store there. Okay.
SPEAKER_03So open store in Jersey. Ah. What did you do for them when you were working there?
SPEAKER_02Um, well, I was operation manager. Okay. Because I was going to college at the same time.
SPEAKER_00Oh, good for you.
SPEAKER_02So um it was. So, but I started out there as a cashier when I was just a freshman in in in college. I was a commuter in college. So um, yeah, and then that's um Jeff worked um in the bath department, and then he was a buyer for luggage. Um yeah, and then he he left the store. We didn't date when we worked, because I kind of never dated anyone I work with.
SPEAKER_03It was just that can be a piece of your advice for this show and that don't date people you work with, find other jobs.
SPEAKER_02Or if they leave, then you can date there you go.
SPEAKER_03Somebody find a new job, okay?
SPEAKER_02And he ended up leaving and he went into insurance. And because when you worked at F watch and office, it's a family-owned store. I mean, you worked like six days a week. Oh. Okay. Okay. And you worked either nine to seven or nine to ten. Okay. I mean, there was no in-between.
SPEAKER_04Oh wow.
SPEAKER_02And then the holidays you had to like work for unending time, you know. So because it was family owned and they were very like hands-on. So anyway, so when he left, then we started dating. Okay. And then we married in '82.
SPEAKER_00Oh, yes. You've been married, was it that's forty four forty-four years.
SPEAKER_02So yes, thanks. It's a long time. So then I went into insurance because the hours were great. I mean, he was he was like, you know, eight to four, and I was still working retail hours.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_02So then I went into insurance. Well, I went to college, graduated too. He he graduated college too. And then um I had major in criminal justice justice because I was hoping to go to law school, but I didn't. But um we uh so I went into insurance. Okay. But in the claims end of it. Okay. So I I ended up being a senior commercial claims adjuster. Um and I traveled up and down the East Coast.
SPEAKER_03Oh, well, that's kind of fun.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_03So how did that work? How long were you in insurance? Were you both working at the same time? Did you work with the same company?
SPEAKER_02Or did you or just we never worked for the same company? Yeah. Because I I had There's that advice. She's like, nope, we don't work for it's a rule in counts, even if you're already married. So yeah, so we never you know, and he his job he was in management quickly in insurance. So he so we followed his job. I followed his job. Okay. Because I could always get a job doing what I was doing. Doing anywhere, okay. You know, so we followed his job and it took us from Long Island to New Jersey.
SPEAKER_03Okay.
SPEAKER_02And we ended up in Flemington, New Jersey for five years.
SPEAKER_03Okay.
SPEAKER_02Which was a lot like Lancaster.
SPEAKER_03Um people don't realize that too, right? Right. Like it like we go down into western New Jersey and it's really it's like Pennsylvania. It's countryside, really.
SPEAKER_02And it was really up up 202, I think it was, into um Lahasca, Pennsylvania, the near the Delaware and all that. So that was a great location. So I ended up working there also, not for the same company.
SPEAKER_01And then his job again, he had a choice, you know, to advance himself.
SPEAKER_03We ended up moving here to Lancaster. And when was that? What year was that? 91. Okay, and you moved into the house down the street in that then, yeah. You built a the wraparound porch. So has somebody told me about that too. They knew you. I don't remember who this was because I meet all these people and we talk and I know, I do too. And she's like, they built that wraparound porch on there, and I was like, Oh, yeah, I know exactly who you're talking about, because I knew you had done Katie told me that you had done that.
SPEAKER_02And you know, we and the reason why we did that is that when we were dating out on Long Island, we w we we used to always go to Sagamore Hill, where Roosevelt's summer house was. Okay. And this is I mean no, before 82, so it was like 80 or so um 1980. And we would just bring a lunch and it hit there was this big, big porch. Yeah. And on his house, on Roosevelt's house. So we would just pack a lunch and we would go and sit on the porch and have lunch. That's really fun. You know, and I don't know if it's still open to people anymore now, but and we said someday, you know, we we want a porch someday on our house. Now, did you build this house or did you buy it?
SPEAKER_00And then you built home.
SPEAKER_02Okay, yeah, so we're the second owners of this one. So anyway, so we decided, I think for our 25th anniversary, Kate was like six, I think. Let's do it. So we we checked around, we looked at different porches and we wanted we didn't want the the we didn't want that on the front porch. You know, the um the plastic. Yeah. Yeah, we wanted a real front porch. So we were looking at different porches and and um and we said, let's do the wraparound with the steps that go down the back on the sides. This way you don't have to go around the whole deck to go in the backyard. So we pretty much knew what we wanted, and um, so we we looked around for a contractor and we found one. It's a beautiful porch. It's a beautiful porch, folks. It's a beautiful porch. And it's we love it, it's like another room.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, so you guys are out there often too.
SPEAKER_02But yeah, it was interesting because as it was being built, so many people and I'm so mad, I'm so glad you're doing this, because I missed the opportunity to write down all people's porch stories.
SPEAKER_00Oh, that's a great idea.
SPEAKER_02That's a great idea. So many people that I didn't even know that when they would stop and then were like, I remember, you know, the porch that I grew up on, or my grandmother had, or the beach, or whatever. And I'm so mad I didn't write those stories down.
SPEAKER_03That's really that's really cool though. It was. It was really cool. It's so important to connect. I think that's something that we often take for granted. That's that's we have this connection.
SPEAKER_02That's where suburbs have lost their connectedness to people because people are busy.
SPEAKER_03We are we are busy, but we also like we build fences and I I have this theory that um social media has created a false sense of community. Yes. That you have you think you're part of a community, and virtually, yes, it's just not the same. It never will be the same as that person-to-person connection that we need as a society.
SPEAKER_02And that's why, you know, you walk around, like I I had a dog when I moved here. Um she was a golden retriever. Oh, we have a lot of them in our neighborhood now, too. And we walked everywhere, her and I. This is before Kate was born. And um, that's when you get to know people by walking a dog. Yeah. You know, and you know, you have to have that connection.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, we do. It's funny though, I will say that there are a few neighbors and I only know their dogs. Yes. And I do I only know their dogs. I'm like, but I'm like, oh, there's Odin and his owner.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, right, right, right. And that's it's so true. Yeah, it's true. You know, but so then I had Katie and Yeah, no, you had Katie both, so your kids were born here.
SPEAKER_03Had one daughter, right? Yeah, okay. And they were born in Lincaster.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Okay. And she was born in '95.
SPEAKER_03Okay.
SPEAKER_02And unfortunately, Dolly died almost a year when Kate was a year. Yeah. But um but then I had her to walk. So I thought that's a good thing. Oh, you know, and um yeah, she would can we, you know, she would say hi to everyone, and um, I would point things out to her along the way. And yeah, as you walk around the neighborhood, there's these those big round metal um coverings for I don't know, electricity. Every so often. And she used to use that as a stage. Oh, she used to pretend she was doing Mary Poppin' song or you know.
SPEAKER_00Um she's always been connected to the theater then. Yes.
SPEAKER_02Since then since she was like, you know, like two. Oh you know, so um but then you know, she had all friends in the neighborhood. Yep, it was a younger neighborhood when I, you know, yeah. Yes. Like, you know, it's turning.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Well, and she's it's it's it's shifting too. So we find ourselves because our kids are, you know, preteen what they kid we came when they were younger, but now they're in their teens. And we're seeing a lot of neighbors come in with littles, and it's a lot of fun. So we have neighbors on all like all surrounded now. And it's been now it's really fun because you have neighbor Nancy and Andy across the street who are like older from the original folks that were built that built their houses here. You have people like you who came in a little bit after that, people like me who are coming towards the later, and then new families that are jumping in and have little kids. So we've got this really eclectic, yeah, yeah, healthy neighborhood now. One of our new neighbors that just moved in across the street, she's like, I feel like I won the neighborhood lottery.
SPEAKER_02And then my neighbor is building a house right over here.
SPEAKER_03Yes, Christine.
SPEAKER_02Christine, right? Yeah, they love the neighborhood, but they want a bigger house.
SPEAKER_03She wanted to be here, yeah. And so they got that lot. Yeah. And she'll she's over here every once in a while. We get together and chat because they're really good friends with um Beth and Justin down the street. Oh, yeah, their kids play baseball. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. They're it's a great, it's a great neighborhood to be in. And I think um what it was funny when we moved, so we moved from Houston um in 2017, and we lived in Houston for 10 years. That's where my kids were born. They're actually born from Texas. I'm from Oklahoma.
SPEAKER_02Oh, okay. Wow.
SPEAKER_03My husband um kind of is from Minnesota. He went to a bunch of different high schools and moved around a lot, but um, it's so interesting to me that my kids are going to feel like they're from Pennsylvania because this is where they grew up, and I'm like, that's not where we're from. How is that for you? Like you're from Long Island, what Katie's and doesn't identify as consider her a New Yorker.
SPEAKER_02You know, my whole thing was coming from Long Island, I just felt I had the New York edge. Okay. Yeah. In business. Yeah, whatever. And I said, she's gonna have that edge, and she does have that edge. So I'm fine. That's awesome.
SPEAKER_03That's fantastic. Because when we lived in Houston, we always lived in the suburbs, we didn't lived in the downtown area. Um, it's Houston's huge, but people move so much, like every three years, people move to a different house. So, like there's a very transient community there for the most part. And I never believed in the white picket fence, like the whole idea of like, oh, there's these you little cute neighborhoods with these white picket fence. We never really knew our neighbors, you knew a couple of people, and you'd make friends, but you'd make friends through other ways. So when we moved here, and I'm like, we we live in this neighborhood, like we live in that that movie that you see where there's neighbors all know each other and how like that really exists here.
SPEAKER_02Well, we're I grew up in Garden City and and um my father died when I have a twin sister. Oh and I I have a brother who's 13 years older than I am. But my dad died when we were my sister and I were six. Goodness. So but what what happened then? Well, we we always connected the neighbors because that was just the neighborhood. Yeah, you know, yeah. So my sister and I always called, you know, Aunt Mary and Uncle Louie, you know, Aunt Gloria and Uncle Neil, and we could go Aunt and Uncles. We called them all the time. So when my father died, it was like everyone came oh you know, everyone came together.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Came together and from that point on until I moved out in '82 from there. I got married in '82. But you know, everyone you were close. Yeah. You know?
SPEAKER_03Yeah. And because you had to rely on each other in the community in a way that I you don't see as much, but I will say there's something, and I think is more in Lincaster County specifically. I definitely find that more. Because I have some other friends in other neighborhoods and they have the same kind of experience. Like if they're friends with their neighbors, they're going to have dinner all the time. Right. Like, hey, you want to grab a like I have a couple of neighbors, I'll be like, Hey, I just opened a bottle of wine. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02And we know that was more prevalent when Kate was younger for us. Yeah. You know, um, there was some neighbors that was like, every weekend, you know, it was like, yeah, let's get together. And then it was like t for for Jeff and I, and it was fine when Kate was young and everyone was, you know, drinking and you know, like whatever. But then when she started getting older, yeah, we just couldn't keep up with it. Yes, yeah, that is the that is the truth. Because we were older. You know, I was 38 when I had her. Okay, yeah, I was a little older too. You know, um, but anyway. So with with the neighbors, so when I moved when I moved from there, I moved further east on Long Island, in in Port Jeff. Okay. Port Jefferson, which is on the sound. Okay. And um, you know, it was in an ap we had an apartment and I knew my apartment neighbors. Because you didn't have a wash and dryer in your apartment out there. It was you had to go to the washing room, yeah. With the big washing room. And um, but Jeff had lived there, this is really funny, because he had lived there before we got married. Okay. So that I moved into his apartment.
SPEAKER_04Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_02And he was at the corner, the end, like the parking lot, and then you walk up and his apartment was there. And they were like condos. Okay. Okay, it wasn't they had a balcony and all that. And you were upstairs or downstairs. Okay. So um, but when I moved into there and I was talking to everyone. Now my husband is not a talker. Yeah. Okay, so he he didn't know anyone. And he lived there like four years. Yeah, he yeah. Yeah, if I and I moved in, and then it was like I knew everyone in like within months, you know.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah. So um well, and I th that's a question I think that's interesting. Uh uh when we talk about people and not building that relationship, I got a great piece of advice when we moved here, and my husband's cousin's wife said, you know, because she moved with military, just invite people over. They don't care if there are boxes in your living room, right? They don't care invite people over. So, what would be your advice? Like when you think about getting to know your neighbors, just like you did back in the apartment complex. Like, what's the advice you would give people to to get to know your neighbors?
SPEAKER_02Um, bring them something when they move in. You know, like cookies or it can even be from the bakery, you don't have to actually do it. Um bring a gift. Bring a gift of something. Yeah. And just do a constant, and then you get to feel whether they are they want to have a relationship. Yeah. Yeah. Because we had neighbors move in probably maybe five years now. And it they have older kids that are out of the house when they moved here.
SPEAKER_01So we didn't know the kids or anything. And nothing. Yeah. Not yeah, it's okay. And it's fine.
SPEAKER_03But I'm like I want to have a neighboring top too.
SPEAKER_02I and it's nothing. Hands from everyone. Yeah. Like even their next door neighbors. Yeah. They just don't want anyone in the like we have a few of them like that.
SPEAKER_03The guy's a pampster. He was he's a retired panther. Maybe he's had enough of people. He's had enough of people. He's had all he needs. He doesn't need no more. But I would always find, like, uh so when we had some neighbors meeting Victorian, so it was always a scary thing to me, like, because when we had new neighbors move in, we knew the neighbors there, and we're like, okay, we hope this is really great. And everybody's and they are, they're wonderful. But I would take them something, and you'd I you know what I brought? Because uh I was talking to a girlfriend, and nowadays you don't know are they gluten tolerant? Are they vegetarian or each some of them do each other? So I brought cleaning supplies. I always bring cleaning supplies because when you move into a new house, you always see and I have my favorite kind of cleaning supplies, like these really work good. Right, right. So I'll bring something like that, or I'll bring like they had kids, so I'll bring the the kiddos something, and they have a dog, so I'll bring a little tutor.
unknownRight.
SPEAKER_03I'll bring a few little things that I'm just like, hey, hey, you know, it's great to have you in the neighborhood.
SPEAKER_02And then and then you see where it goes. Where I grew up, and I think it was the error, because a lot of neighbors everyone was outside more. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Here they're not. Not as much. And we find it more in the spring, I think, of the people walking through. So I always say hi to neighbors when they're walking by.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_03No, I do too. I wave. Yeah. You need to have another you need to have a porch party. That's what you need to do. I know, I do. I need to have a porch party. So just like tell everybody I've got a bottle of wine, and we will all be there.
SPEAKER_02I'll do that.
SPEAKER_03It doesn't take much for me. Girl, you know I'll come up bring my own wine. I'm gonna say is we're gonna have wine.
SPEAKER_02So we we have um Nepalese moved in.
SPEAKER_03Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_02And which is really fun. I mean, yeah. It's a whole different culture.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, it is. It's really fun to see our neighborhood uh change to and get in and like I said, you'd like us to turn and create new communities and new people that are are there. And that's really it's it's really fun to see. But it does take effort.
SPEAKER_02I think when they moved here from I think they lived in the city. Okay. I don't think their neighbors were as nice or nice to them. Oh, that's so when they yeah, you know, you kind of bring baggage with you, you know. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03That's that's true. When I think a lot of people like I moved and I didn't I didn't never live in neighborhoods where it was as friendly. As we are here, where you would just be like, Yeah, let's go, let's invite people over. And like Steve on my on one side of us, he met actually my kids before he met us. Oh, okay. Because when we moved here, the kids would climb in the trees that are over here and they poke their little heads out. They were like three or five. They poked their heads out and they'd be like, Hi.
SPEAKER_01And he'd be like, Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Hi.
SPEAKER_02So they met him before we met him. Now we hang out all the time. So um, yeah, so it's it's fine. But unless you walk and have a baby or a dog, it can't be char it can't be much housing, especially as you get older.
SPEAKER_03You know what I love is I love people like Judy. I love people like Judy who make sure and and that they do the connections. Make that build the connections across across the community.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, she's she's great at doing that.
SPEAKER_03She really is great at doing that.
SPEAKER_02You know, unfortunately, like even like after COVID, we lost like around five women that Judy and I were connected to.
SPEAKER_03Oh, but that's tough. And I think that's a tough thing as you grow older and you're in your shift in your changes of life. Like you said, you were young and you moved here with your puppy, and then you had kids, and there's those things that carry you through. And then as people move and shift and change, and the people that you had, like you said, you lost some. You lost some of those people, you lost your friends, and the people that you were connected to.
SPEAKER_02And it's funny because it's not, you know, you they're not relatives, they're not really like buddy friends, but they're constant. Yeah, they're constant. You know, and you miss that that constant connection, you know, always knowing that person's in that house and you can knock on the door or wave.
SPEAKER_03Or check with somebody. I've got my neighbors across the street and they'll be they'll text me every once in a while. So it's me again. Um we can't remember if we're shut the garage.
unknownOh yeah.
SPEAKER_03We we will always be the we'll be more than happy to check.
SPEAKER_02I do that. Well, when I used to walk a lot, yeah, you know, people used to leave the garage doors open. Oh yeah. And I um I would like knock on the door. Yeah. By the way, my garage is open. I said, Oh no, I didn't.
SPEAKER_01I didn't, you know. So but then one neighbor one time, irate. Even though she didn't know it was open.
unknownOh.
SPEAKER_02So I just don't, yeah, it's like, you're on your own. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03All right, lady, you're on your own. Everybody else will tell you, but you're on your own.
SPEAKER_02I just have a good heart.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. We've I know some people that have those crazy neighbors. Like, we don't have the crazy neighbors around us. Like there are crazy neighbors in the neighborhood. Yeah. We all like oh I know.
SPEAKER_02I know some of them.
SPEAKER_03But we don't have any around us. You have to find the places that that you can be connected to. Right. And I think it's something really cool and we can build those communities.
SPEAKER_02Yes. Yeah. And but it takes two.
SPEAKER_03It does take two. You know, so be open, be open to it.
SPEAKER_02You have to be open to it. Um put yourself out there. Yeah. If you don't if you don't, you know, make the the moves, you know, the conversation, um, then it's not gonna Yeah, then nothing's gonna happen.
SPEAKER_03And it's can't always wait for someone else. Um, so but you also have to be open to you know, having someone else have like I don't really know any of the kids anymore.
SPEAKER_02Because Kate's older, she's 30, so I don't really know. So that's that's different. Yeah, that is kind of different. Yeah. Uh and plus I haven't walked because I hadn't this foot injury, so I haven't really walked for a while.
SPEAKER_03So I don't get to Yeah, you don't get out and about quite as much. Well, well, I hope you start feeling better and you start making the rails. Yes.
SPEAKER_02With the especially with the weather.
SPEAKER_03Oh my god, it's gorgeous, isn't it? It's gorgeous.
SPEAKER_02I love this I love that the 70s. Yeah. Mid-70s.
SPEAKER_03Uh yeah, I can't even deal with sixties. The mid-sixties, me too. I can deal with it, and I don't whether like this is overcast is fine with me. Me too. Me too. I don't mind.
SPEAKER_02But the sun is so much stronger now. Yeah. It is.
SPEAKER_03But thank you so much for coming on with me and getting to know each other better. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02So um I think this is great.
SPEAKER_03Yay!
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